Am I obligated to use a coworker's nickname?
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I have a coworker named "Bob" (not his real name) who keeps insisting that I call him "Shah". I don't think it's right that I be required to use what seems to me to be a silly pet name; the guy is already extremely creepy. He says that he "feels like he's being punished" when I call him "Bob". We work for a very large professional engineering company; am I off base here? I'd really like to know what others have to say about this. Thanks!
professionalism
New contributor
|
show 2 more comments
up vote
4
down vote
favorite
I have a coworker named "Bob" (not his real name) who keeps insisting that I call him "Shah". I don't think it's right that I be required to use what seems to me to be a silly pet name; the guy is already extremely creepy. He says that he "feels like he's being punished" when I call him "Bob". We work for a very large professional engineering company; am I off base here? I'd really like to know what others have to say about this. Thanks!
professionalism
New contributor
12
Does everyone call "Bob" "Shah" or is "Bob" only asking you to call him "Shah"?
– jcmack
yesterday
6
Do you know where "Shah" came from? Is it a "legitimate" nickname or an ego trip based on the Persian word for king? It would rather impact how you'd best approach this.
– Lilienthal♦
yesterday
2
I don't think it matters where the name came from. If he asks everyone to call him "Shah", that is what he should be called. If he is asking the OP to call him by a different name from everyone else, that is inappropriate regardless of where it came from.
– Patricia Shanahan
yesterday
8
@PatriciaShanahan Normally I'd agree but I feel that there's some nicknames beyond the obvious that I would not be comfortable using. Royal epithets like Shah or Czar, or others that imply an hierarchy like Boss or Chief would be too much for me and the OP would have grounds to push back on those.
– Lilienthal♦
yesterday
2
@Upper_Case I think the concern is that "Shah" is the Persian equivalent of "King".
– Patricia Shanahan
yesterday
|
show 2 more comments
up vote
4
down vote
favorite
up vote
4
down vote
favorite
I have a coworker named "Bob" (not his real name) who keeps insisting that I call him "Shah". I don't think it's right that I be required to use what seems to me to be a silly pet name; the guy is already extremely creepy. He says that he "feels like he's being punished" when I call him "Bob". We work for a very large professional engineering company; am I off base here? I'd really like to know what others have to say about this. Thanks!
professionalism
New contributor
I have a coworker named "Bob" (not his real name) who keeps insisting that I call him "Shah". I don't think it's right that I be required to use what seems to me to be a silly pet name; the guy is already extremely creepy. He says that he "feels like he's being punished" when I call him "Bob". We work for a very large professional engineering company; am I off base here? I'd really like to know what others have to say about this. Thanks!
professionalism
professionalism
New contributor
New contributor
edited yesterday
jcmack
5,7011935
5,7011935
New contributor
asked yesterday
spemble
1272
1272
New contributor
New contributor
12
Does everyone call "Bob" "Shah" or is "Bob" only asking you to call him "Shah"?
– jcmack
yesterday
6
Do you know where "Shah" came from? Is it a "legitimate" nickname or an ego trip based on the Persian word for king? It would rather impact how you'd best approach this.
– Lilienthal♦
yesterday
2
I don't think it matters where the name came from. If he asks everyone to call him "Shah", that is what he should be called. If he is asking the OP to call him by a different name from everyone else, that is inappropriate regardless of where it came from.
– Patricia Shanahan
yesterday
8
@PatriciaShanahan Normally I'd agree but I feel that there's some nicknames beyond the obvious that I would not be comfortable using. Royal epithets like Shah or Czar, or others that imply an hierarchy like Boss or Chief would be too much for me and the OP would have grounds to push back on those.
– Lilienthal♦
yesterday
2
@Upper_Case I think the concern is that "Shah" is the Persian equivalent of "King".
– Patricia Shanahan
yesterday
|
show 2 more comments
12
Does everyone call "Bob" "Shah" or is "Bob" only asking you to call him "Shah"?
– jcmack
yesterday
6
Do you know where "Shah" came from? Is it a "legitimate" nickname or an ego trip based on the Persian word for king? It would rather impact how you'd best approach this.
– Lilienthal♦
yesterday
2
I don't think it matters where the name came from. If he asks everyone to call him "Shah", that is what he should be called. If he is asking the OP to call him by a different name from everyone else, that is inappropriate regardless of where it came from.
– Patricia Shanahan
yesterday
8
@PatriciaShanahan Normally I'd agree but I feel that there's some nicknames beyond the obvious that I would not be comfortable using. Royal epithets like Shah or Czar, or others that imply an hierarchy like Boss or Chief would be too much for me and the OP would have grounds to push back on those.
– Lilienthal♦
yesterday
2
@Upper_Case I think the concern is that "Shah" is the Persian equivalent of "King".
– Patricia Shanahan
yesterday
12
12
Does everyone call "Bob" "Shah" or is "Bob" only asking you to call him "Shah"?
– jcmack
yesterday
Does everyone call "Bob" "Shah" or is "Bob" only asking you to call him "Shah"?
– jcmack
yesterday
6
6
Do you know where "Shah" came from? Is it a "legitimate" nickname or an ego trip based on the Persian word for king? It would rather impact how you'd best approach this.
– Lilienthal♦
yesterday
Do you know where "Shah" came from? Is it a "legitimate" nickname or an ego trip based on the Persian word for king? It would rather impact how you'd best approach this.
– Lilienthal♦
yesterday
2
2
I don't think it matters where the name came from. If he asks everyone to call him "Shah", that is what he should be called. If he is asking the OP to call him by a different name from everyone else, that is inappropriate regardless of where it came from.
– Patricia Shanahan
yesterday
I don't think it matters where the name came from. If he asks everyone to call him "Shah", that is what he should be called. If he is asking the OP to call him by a different name from everyone else, that is inappropriate regardless of where it came from.
– Patricia Shanahan
yesterday
8
8
@PatriciaShanahan Normally I'd agree but I feel that there's some nicknames beyond the obvious that I would not be comfortable using. Royal epithets like Shah or Czar, or others that imply an hierarchy like Boss or Chief would be too much for me and the OP would have grounds to push back on those.
– Lilienthal♦
yesterday
@PatriciaShanahan Normally I'd agree but I feel that there's some nicknames beyond the obvious that I would not be comfortable using. Royal epithets like Shah or Czar, or others that imply an hierarchy like Boss or Chief would be too much for me and the OP would have grounds to push back on those.
– Lilienthal♦
yesterday
2
2
@Upper_Case I think the concern is that "Shah" is the Persian equivalent of "King".
– Patricia Shanahan
yesterday
@Upper_Case I think the concern is that "Shah" is the Persian equivalent of "King".
– Patricia Shanahan
yesterday
|
show 2 more comments
3 Answers
3
active
oldest
votes
up vote
10
down vote
You should just call him the name that he prefers to be called as.
It is not for you to decided.
My legal name (bank, tax etc) is Edward. But everybody else calls me Ed. That is my choice. Would you not like to be called some other name apart from your preferred name?
6
If the name is rude, offensive, or somehow unprofessional in the culture, perhaps there is a limit.
– Bill Michell
yesterday
3
Are not most people reasonable with a choice of nickname? And when a person enters the workplace they would probably had that nickname for many years
– Ed Heal
yesterday
add a comment |
up vote
10
down vote
It depends on whether it's really a nickname that he always goes by, or some sort of power trip or strange form of harassment targeted only at you. Assuming none of those unlikely factors are in play, you should call people by the name they choose to go by.
While most workplaces are on first-name basis by now, you wouldn't persist in referring to a colleague by their old name if they adopt a new last name after marriage either. The general rule when it comes to names is that people get to decide what they would like to be called. Within reason of course, slurs or overly grandiose nicknames are often frowned upon. But good managers will quickly put a stop to those shenanigans.
So in regards to your main question: you are indeed off-base here. If this is simply the name that he goes by, that is for all intents and purposes his "real name". In some countries he wouldn't even require an official name change. So in this case you should simply do the professional thing and use the name he'd like you to use.
This situation is trickier if it's a nickname only used within the team. If that's the case this is more about team dynamics and fitting in than it is about respecting professional norms. But if your entire team calls him "Shah" then it would likely be best to join them in that.
There's some useful reading on a related question "How to stop nicknames from being used?"
add a comment |
up vote
-5
down vote
You are not obligated to use a silly pet name. You could let him know that you are uncomfortable calling him Shah and that you will either call him Bob or a more reasonable nickname like Rob or something else closer to his real name. If he continues to insist and will not agree to a more reasonable name then just keep calling him Bob. You should not get in trouble for using somebody's actual name even if they prefer a nickname.
New contributor
For those who disagree, where then would you draw a line? What if I insisted that people call me Poopy Face Banana Hammock? Would you agree that everyone is obligated to use that nickname?
– Stack Underflow
yesterday
2
You do not get to choose someone's preferred name, full stop.
– Thegs
yesterday
6
@StackUnderflow There's no need to demand an exact line. We can agree that calling you "Stack" is reasonable and calling you "Lord High Chancellor of Elbonia" is unreasonable without having to define everything exactly.
– David Thornley
yesterday
1
@Thegs You also do not get to force anyone to use language that makes them uncomfortable, full stop.
– Stack Underflow
yesterday
1
@DavidThornley So it's a grey area. That means you might agree that Shah is okay, and I might disagree.
– Stack Underflow
yesterday
|
show 6 more comments
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3 Answers
3
active
oldest
votes
3 Answers
3
active
oldest
votes
active
oldest
votes
active
oldest
votes
up vote
10
down vote
You should just call him the name that he prefers to be called as.
It is not for you to decided.
My legal name (bank, tax etc) is Edward. But everybody else calls me Ed. That is my choice. Would you not like to be called some other name apart from your preferred name?
6
If the name is rude, offensive, or somehow unprofessional in the culture, perhaps there is a limit.
– Bill Michell
yesterday
3
Are not most people reasonable with a choice of nickname? And when a person enters the workplace they would probably had that nickname for many years
– Ed Heal
yesterday
add a comment |
up vote
10
down vote
You should just call him the name that he prefers to be called as.
It is not for you to decided.
My legal name (bank, tax etc) is Edward. But everybody else calls me Ed. That is my choice. Would you not like to be called some other name apart from your preferred name?
6
If the name is rude, offensive, or somehow unprofessional in the culture, perhaps there is a limit.
– Bill Michell
yesterday
3
Are not most people reasonable with a choice of nickname? And when a person enters the workplace they would probably had that nickname for many years
– Ed Heal
yesterday
add a comment |
up vote
10
down vote
up vote
10
down vote
You should just call him the name that he prefers to be called as.
It is not for you to decided.
My legal name (bank, tax etc) is Edward. But everybody else calls me Ed. That is my choice. Would you not like to be called some other name apart from your preferred name?
You should just call him the name that he prefers to be called as.
It is not for you to decided.
My legal name (bank, tax etc) is Edward. But everybody else calls me Ed. That is my choice. Would you not like to be called some other name apart from your preferred name?
answered yesterday
Ed Heal
9,09321545
9,09321545
6
If the name is rude, offensive, or somehow unprofessional in the culture, perhaps there is a limit.
– Bill Michell
yesterday
3
Are not most people reasonable with a choice of nickname? And when a person enters the workplace they would probably had that nickname for many years
– Ed Heal
yesterday
add a comment |
6
If the name is rude, offensive, or somehow unprofessional in the culture, perhaps there is a limit.
– Bill Michell
yesterday
3
Are not most people reasonable with a choice of nickname? And when a person enters the workplace they would probably had that nickname for many years
– Ed Heal
yesterday
6
6
If the name is rude, offensive, or somehow unprofessional in the culture, perhaps there is a limit.
– Bill Michell
yesterday
If the name is rude, offensive, or somehow unprofessional in the culture, perhaps there is a limit.
– Bill Michell
yesterday
3
3
Are not most people reasonable with a choice of nickname? And when a person enters the workplace they would probably had that nickname for many years
– Ed Heal
yesterday
Are not most people reasonable with a choice of nickname? And when a person enters the workplace they would probably had that nickname for many years
– Ed Heal
yesterday
add a comment |
up vote
10
down vote
It depends on whether it's really a nickname that he always goes by, or some sort of power trip or strange form of harassment targeted only at you. Assuming none of those unlikely factors are in play, you should call people by the name they choose to go by.
While most workplaces are on first-name basis by now, you wouldn't persist in referring to a colleague by their old name if they adopt a new last name after marriage either. The general rule when it comes to names is that people get to decide what they would like to be called. Within reason of course, slurs or overly grandiose nicknames are often frowned upon. But good managers will quickly put a stop to those shenanigans.
So in regards to your main question: you are indeed off-base here. If this is simply the name that he goes by, that is for all intents and purposes his "real name". In some countries he wouldn't even require an official name change. So in this case you should simply do the professional thing and use the name he'd like you to use.
This situation is trickier if it's a nickname only used within the team. If that's the case this is more about team dynamics and fitting in than it is about respecting professional norms. But if your entire team calls him "Shah" then it would likely be best to join them in that.
There's some useful reading on a related question "How to stop nicknames from being used?"
add a comment |
up vote
10
down vote
It depends on whether it's really a nickname that he always goes by, or some sort of power trip or strange form of harassment targeted only at you. Assuming none of those unlikely factors are in play, you should call people by the name they choose to go by.
While most workplaces are on first-name basis by now, you wouldn't persist in referring to a colleague by their old name if they adopt a new last name after marriage either. The general rule when it comes to names is that people get to decide what they would like to be called. Within reason of course, slurs or overly grandiose nicknames are often frowned upon. But good managers will quickly put a stop to those shenanigans.
So in regards to your main question: you are indeed off-base here. If this is simply the name that he goes by, that is for all intents and purposes his "real name". In some countries he wouldn't even require an official name change. So in this case you should simply do the professional thing and use the name he'd like you to use.
This situation is trickier if it's a nickname only used within the team. If that's the case this is more about team dynamics and fitting in than it is about respecting professional norms. But if your entire team calls him "Shah" then it would likely be best to join them in that.
There's some useful reading on a related question "How to stop nicknames from being used?"
add a comment |
up vote
10
down vote
up vote
10
down vote
It depends on whether it's really a nickname that he always goes by, or some sort of power trip or strange form of harassment targeted only at you. Assuming none of those unlikely factors are in play, you should call people by the name they choose to go by.
While most workplaces are on first-name basis by now, you wouldn't persist in referring to a colleague by their old name if they adopt a new last name after marriage either. The general rule when it comes to names is that people get to decide what they would like to be called. Within reason of course, slurs or overly grandiose nicknames are often frowned upon. But good managers will quickly put a stop to those shenanigans.
So in regards to your main question: you are indeed off-base here. If this is simply the name that he goes by, that is for all intents and purposes his "real name". In some countries he wouldn't even require an official name change. So in this case you should simply do the professional thing and use the name he'd like you to use.
This situation is trickier if it's a nickname only used within the team. If that's the case this is more about team dynamics and fitting in than it is about respecting professional norms. But if your entire team calls him "Shah" then it would likely be best to join them in that.
There's some useful reading on a related question "How to stop nicknames from being used?"
It depends on whether it's really a nickname that he always goes by, or some sort of power trip or strange form of harassment targeted only at you. Assuming none of those unlikely factors are in play, you should call people by the name they choose to go by.
While most workplaces are on first-name basis by now, you wouldn't persist in referring to a colleague by their old name if they adopt a new last name after marriage either. The general rule when it comes to names is that people get to decide what they would like to be called. Within reason of course, slurs or overly grandiose nicknames are often frowned upon. But good managers will quickly put a stop to those shenanigans.
So in regards to your main question: you are indeed off-base here. If this is simply the name that he goes by, that is for all intents and purposes his "real name". In some countries he wouldn't even require an official name change. So in this case you should simply do the professional thing and use the name he'd like you to use.
This situation is trickier if it's a nickname only used within the team. If that's the case this is more about team dynamics and fitting in than it is about respecting professional norms. But if your entire team calls him "Shah" then it would likely be best to join them in that.
There's some useful reading on a related question "How to stop nicknames from being used?"
answered yesterday
Lilienthal♦
54.8k36184224
54.8k36184224
add a comment |
add a comment |
up vote
-5
down vote
You are not obligated to use a silly pet name. You could let him know that you are uncomfortable calling him Shah and that you will either call him Bob or a more reasonable nickname like Rob or something else closer to his real name. If he continues to insist and will not agree to a more reasonable name then just keep calling him Bob. You should not get in trouble for using somebody's actual name even if they prefer a nickname.
New contributor
For those who disagree, where then would you draw a line? What if I insisted that people call me Poopy Face Banana Hammock? Would you agree that everyone is obligated to use that nickname?
– Stack Underflow
yesterday
2
You do not get to choose someone's preferred name, full stop.
– Thegs
yesterday
6
@StackUnderflow There's no need to demand an exact line. We can agree that calling you "Stack" is reasonable and calling you "Lord High Chancellor of Elbonia" is unreasonable without having to define everything exactly.
– David Thornley
yesterday
1
@Thegs You also do not get to force anyone to use language that makes them uncomfortable, full stop.
– Stack Underflow
yesterday
1
@DavidThornley So it's a grey area. That means you might agree that Shah is okay, and I might disagree.
– Stack Underflow
yesterday
|
show 6 more comments
up vote
-5
down vote
You are not obligated to use a silly pet name. You could let him know that you are uncomfortable calling him Shah and that you will either call him Bob or a more reasonable nickname like Rob or something else closer to his real name. If he continues to insist and will not agree to a more reasonable name then just keep calling him Bob. You should not get in trouble for using somebody's actual name even if they prefer a nickname.
New contributor
For those who disagree, where then would you draw a line? What if I insisted that people call me Poopy Face Banana Hammock? Would you agree that everyone is obligated to use that nickname?
– Stack Underflow
yesterday
2
You do not get to choose someone's preferred name, full stop.
– Thegs
yesterday
6
@StackUnderflow There's no need to demand an exact line. We can agree that calling you "Stack" is reasonable and calling you "Lord High Chancellor of Elbonia" is unreasonable without having to define everything exactly.
– David Thornley
yesterday
1
@Thegs You also do not get to force anyone to use language that makes them uncomfortable, full stop.
– Stack Underflow
yesterday
1
@DavidThornley So it's a grey area. That means you might agree that Shah is okay, and I might disagree.
– Stack Underflow
yesterday
|
show 6 more comments
up vote
-5
down vote
up vote
-5
down vote
You are not obligated to use a silly pet name. You could let him know that you are uncomfortable calling him Shah and that you will either call him Bob or a more reasonable nickname like Rob or something else closer to his real name. If he continues to insist and will not agree to a more reasonable name then just keep calling him Bob. You should not get in trouble for using somebody's actual name even if they prefer a nickname.
New contributor
You are not obligated to use a silly pet name. You could let him know that you are uncomfortable calling him Shah and that you will either call him Bob or a more reasonable nickname like Rob or something else closer to his real name. If he continues to insist and will not agree to a more reasonable name then just keep calling him Bob. You should not get in trouble for using somebody's actual name even if they prefer a nickname.
New contributor
New contributor
answered yesterday
Stack Underflow
1154
1154
New contributor
New contributor
For those who disagree, where then would you draw a line? What if I insisted that people call me Poopy Face Banana Hammock? Would you agree that everyone is obligated to use that nickname?
– Stack Underflow
yesterday
2
You do not get to choose someone's preferred name, full stop.
– Thegs
yesterday
6
@StackUnderflow There's no need to demand an exact line. We can agree that calling you "Stack" is reasonable and calling you "Lord High Chancellor of Elbonia" is unreasonable without having to define everything exactly.
– David Thornley
yesterday
1
@Thegs You also do not get to force anyone to use language that makes them uncomfortable, full stop.
– Stack Underflow
yesterday
1
@DavidThornley So it's a grey area. That means you might agree that Shah is okay, and I might disagree.
– Stack Underflow
yesterday
|
show 6 more comments
For those who disagree, where then would you draw a line? What if I insisted that people call me Poopy Face Banana Hammock? Would you agree that everyone is obligated to use that nickname?
– Stack Underflow
yesterday
2
You do not get to choose someone's preferred name, full stop.
– Thegs
yesterday
6
@StackUnderflow There's no need to demand an exact line. We can agree that calling you "Stack" is reasonable and calling you "Lord High Chancellor of Elbonia" is unreasonable without having to define everything exactly.
– David Thornley
yesterday
1
@Thegs You also do not get to force anyone to use language that makes them uncomfortable, full stop.
– Stack Underflow
yesterday
1
@DavidThornley So it's a grey area. That means you might agree that Shah is okay, and I might disagree.
– Stack Underflow
yesterday
For those who disagree, where then would you draw a line? What if I insisted that people call me Poopy Face Banana Hammock? Would you agree that everyone is obligated to use that nickname?
– Stack Underflow
yesterday
For those who disagree, where then would you draw a line? What if I insisted that people call me Poopy Face Banana Hammock? Would you agree that everyone is obligated to use that nickname?
– Stack Underflow
yesterday
2
2
You do not get to choose someone's preferred name, full stop.
– Thegs
yesterday
You do not get to choose someone's preferred name, full stop.
– Thegs
yesterday
6
6
@StackUnderflow There's no need to demand an exact line. We can agree that calling you "Stack" is reasonable and calling you "Lord High Chancellor of Elbonia" is unreasonable without having to define everything exactly.
– David Thornley
yesterday
@StackUnderflow There's no need to demand an exact line. We can agree that calling you "Stack" is reasonable and calling you "Lord High Chancellor of Elbonia" is unreasonable without having to define everything exactly.
– David Thornley
yesterday
1
1
@Thegs You also do not get to force anyone to use language that makes them uncomfortable, full stop.
– Stack Underflow
yesterday
@Thegs You also do not get to force anyone to use language that makes them uncomfortable, full stop.
– Stack Underflow
yesterday
1
1
@DavidThornley So it's a grey area. That means you might agree that Shah is okay, and I might disagree.
– Stack Underflow
yesterday
@DavidThornley So it's a grey area. That means you might agree that Shah is okay, and I might disagree.
– Stack Underflow
yesterday
|
show 6 more comments
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12
Does everyone call "Bob" "Shah" or is "Bob" only asking you to call him "Shah"?
– jcmack
yesterday
6
Do you know where "Shah" came from? Is it a "legitimate" nickname or an ego trip based on the Persian word for king? It would rather impact how you'd best approach this.
– Lilienthal♦
yesterday
2
I don't think it matters where the name came from. If he asks everyone to call him "Shah", that is what he should be called. If he is asking the OP to call him by a different name from everyone else, that is inappropriate regardless of where it came from.
– Patricia Shanahan
yesterday
8
@PatriciaShanahan Normally I'd agree but I feel that there's some nicknames beyond the obvious that I would not be comfortable using. Royal epithets like Shah or Czar, or others that imply an hierarchy like Boss or Chief would be too much for me and the OP would have grounds to push back on those.
– Lilienthal♦
yesterday
2
@Upper_Case I think the concern is that "Shah" is the Persian equivalent of "King".
– Patricia Shanahan
yesterday