Am I obligated to use a coworker's nickname?





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I have a coworker named "Bob" (not his real name) who keeps insisting that I call him "Shah". I don't think it's right that I be required to use what seems to me to be a silly pet name; the guy is already extremely creepy. He says that he "feels like he's being punished" when I call him "Bob". We work for a very large professional engineering company; am I off base here? I'd really like to know what others have to say about this. Thanks!










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  • 12




    Does everyone call "Bob" "Shah" or is "Bob" only asking you to call him "Shah"?
    – jcmack
    yesterday






  • 6




    Do you know where "Shah" came from? Is it a "legitimate" nickname or an ego trip based on the Persian word for king? It would rather impact how you'd best approach this.
    – Lilienthal
    yesterday






  • 2




    I don't think it matters where the name came from. If he asks everyone to call him "Shah", that is what he should be called. If he is asking the OP to call him by a different name from everyone else, that is inappropriate regardless of where it came from.
    – Patricia Shanahan
    yesterday






  • 8




    @PatriciaShanahan Normally I'd agree but I feel that there's some nicknames beyond the obvious that I would not be comfortable using. Royal epithets like Shah or Czar, or others that imply an hierarchy like Boss or Chief would be too much for me and the OP would have grounds to push back on those.
    – Lilienthal
    yesterday






  • 2




    @Upper_Case I think the concern is that "Shah" is the Persian equivalent of "King".
    – Patricia Shanahan
    yesterday

















up vote
4
down vote

favorite












I have a coworker named "Bob" (not his real name) who keeps insisting that I call him "Shah". I don't think it's right that I be required to use what seems to me to be a silly pet name; the guy is already extremely creepy. He says that he "feels like he's being punished" when I call him "Bob". We work for a very large professional engineering company; am I off base here? I'd really like to know what others have to say about this. Thanks!










share|improve this question









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spemble is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
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  • 12




    Does everyone call "Bob" "Shah" or is "Bob" only asking you to call him "Shah"?
    – jcmack
    yesterday






  • 6




    Do you know where "Shah" came from? Is it a "legitimate" nickname or an ego trip based on the Persian word for king? It would rather impact how you'd best approach this.
    – Lilienthal
    yesterday






  • 2




    I don't think it matters where the name came from. If he asks everyone to call him "Shah", that is what he should be called. If he is asking the OP to call him by a different name from everyone else, that is inappropriate regardless of where it came from.
    – Patricia Shanahan
    yesterday






  • 8




    @PatriciaShanahan Normally I'd agree but I feel that there's some nicknames beyond the obvious that I would not be comfortable using. Royal epithets like Shah or Czar, or others that imply an hierarchy like Boss or Chief would be too much for me and the OP would have grounds to push back on those.
    – Lilienthal
    yesterday






  • 2




    @Upper_Case I think the concern is that "Shah" is the Persian equivalent of "King".
    – Patricia Shanahan
    yesterday













up vote
4
down vote

favorite









up vote
4
down vote

favorite











I have a coworker named "Bob" (not his real name) who keeps insisting that I call him "Shah". I don't think it's right that I be required to use what seems to me to be a silly pet name; the guy is already extremely creepy. He says that he "feels like he's being punished" when I call him "Bob". We work for a very large professional engineering company; am I off base here? I'd really like to know what others have to say about this. Thanks!










share|improve this question









New contributor




spemble is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.











I have a coworker named "Bob" (not his real name) who keeps insisting that I call him "Shah". I don't think it's right that I be required to use what seems to me to be a silly pet name; the guy is already extremely creepy. He says that he "feels like he's being punished" when I call him "Bob". We work for a very large professional engineering company; am I off base here? I'd really like to know what others have to say about this. Thanks!







professionalism






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edited yesterday









jcmack

5,7011935




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asked yesterday









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Check out our Code of Conduct.








  • 12




    Does everyone call "Bob" "Shah" or is "Bob" only asking you to call him "Shah"?
    – jcmack
    yesterday






  • 6




    Do you know where "Shah" came from? Is it a "legitimate" nickname or an ego trip based on the Persian word for king? It would rather impact how you'd best approach this.
    – Lilienthal
    yesterday






  • 2




    I don't think it matters where the name came from. If he asks everyone to call him "Shah", that is what he should be called. If he is asking the OP to call him by a different name from everyone else, that is inappropriate regardless of where it came from.
    – Patricia Shanahan
    yesterday






  • 8




    @PatriciaShanahan Normally I'd agree but I feel that there's some nicknames beyond the obvious that I would not be comfortable using. Royal epithets like Shah or Czar, or others that imply an hierarchy like Boss or Chief would be too much for me and the OP would have grounds to push back on those.
    – Lilienthal
    yesterday






  • 2




    @Upper_Case I think the concern is that "Shah" is the Persian equivalent of "King".
    – Patricia Shanahan
    yesterday














  • 12




    Does everyone call "Bob" "Shah" or is "Bob" only asking you to call him "Shah"?
    – jcmack
    yesterday






  • 6




    Do you know where "Shah" came from? Is it a "legitimate" nickname or an ego trip based on the Persian word for king? It would rather impact how you'd best approach this.
    – Lilienthal
    yesterday






  • 2




    I don't think it matters where the name came from. If he asks everyone to call him "Shah", that is what he should be called. If he is asking the OP to call him by a different name from everyone else, that is inappropriate regardless of where it came from.
    – Patricia Shanahan
    yesterday






  • 8




    @PatriciaShanahan Normally I'd agree but I feel that there's some nicknames beyond the obvious that I would not be comfortable using. Royal epithets like Shah or Czar, or others that imply an hierarchy like Boss or Chief would be too much for me and the OP would have grounds to push back on those.
    – Lilienthal
    yesterday






  • 2




    @Upper_Case I think the concern is that "Shah" is the Persian equivalent of "King".
    – Patricia Shanahan
    yesterday








12




12




Does everyone call "Bob" "Shah" or is "Bob" only asking you to call him "Shah"?
– jcmack
yesterday




Does everyone call "Bob" "Shah" or is "Bob" only asking you to call him "Shah"?
– jcmack
yesterday




6




6




Do you know where "Shah" came from? Is it a "legitimate" nickname or an ego trip based on the Persian word for king? It would rather impact how you'd best approach this.
– Lilienthal
yesterday




Do you know where "Shah" came from? Is it a "legitimate" nickname or an ego trip based on the Persian word for king? It would rather impact how you'd best approach this.
– Lilienthal
yesterday




2




2




I don't think it matters where the name came from. If he asks everyone to call him "Shah", that is what he should be called. If he is asking the OP to call him by a different name from everyone else, that is inappropriate regardless of where it came from.
– Patricia Shanahan
yesterday




I don't think it matters where the name came from. If he asks everyone to call him "Shah", that is what he should be called. If he is asking the OP to call him by a different name from everyone else, that is inappropriate regardless of where it came from.
– Patricia Shanahan
yesterday




8




8




@PatriciaShanahan Normally I'd agree but I feel that there's some nicknames beyond the obvious that I would not be comfortable using. Royal epithets like Shah or Czar, or others that imply an hierarchy like Boss or Chief would be too much for me and the OP would have grounds to push back on those.
– Lilienthal
yesterday




@PatriciaShanahan Normally I'd agree but I feel that there's some nicknames beyond the obvious that I would not be comfortable using. Royal epithets like Shah or Czar, or others that imply an hierarchy like Boss or Chief would be too much for me and the OP would have grounds to push back on those.
– Lilienthal
yesterday




2




2




@Upper_Case I think the concern is that "Shah" is the Persian equivalent of "King".
– Patricia Shanahan
yesterday




@Upper_Case I think the concern is that "Shah" is the Persian equivalent of "King".
– Patricia Shanahan
yesterday










3 Answers
3






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oldest

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up vote
10
down vote













You should just call him the name that he prefers to be called as.



It is not for you to decided.



My legal name (bank, tax etc) is Edward. But everybody else calls me Ed. That is my choice. Would you not like to be called some other name apart from your preferred name?






share|improve this answer

















  • 6




    If the name is rude, offensive, or somehow unprofessional in the culture, perhaps there is a limit.
    – Bill Michell
    yesterday








  • 3




    Are not most people reasonable with a choice of nickname? And when a person enters the workplace they would probably had that nickname for many years
    – Ed Heal
    yesterday


















up vote
10
down vote













It depends on whether it's really a nickname that he always goes by, or some sort of power trip or strange form of harassment targeted only at you. Assuming none of those unlikely factors are in play, you should call people by the name they choose to go by.



While most workplaces are on first-name basis by now, you wouldn't persist in referring to a colleague by their old name if they adopt a new last name after marriage either. The general rule when it comes to names is that people get to decide what they would like to be called. Within reason of course, slurs or overly grandiose nicknames are often frowned upon. But good managers will quickly put a stop to those shenanigans.



So in regards to your main question: you are indeed off-base here. If this is simply the name that he goes by, that is for all intents and purposes his "real name". In some countries he wouldn't even require an official name change. So in this case you should simply do the professional thing and use the name he'd like you to use.



This situation is trickier if it's a nickname only used within the team. If that's the case this is more about team dynamics and fitting in than it is about respecting professional norms. But if your entire team calls him "Shah" then it would likely be best to join them in that.



There's some useful reading on a related question "How to stop nicknames from being used?"






share|improve this answer




























    up vote
    -5
    down vote













    You are not obligated to use a silly pet name. You could let him know that you are uncomfortable calling him Shah and that you will either call him Bob or a more reasonable nickname like Rob or something else closer to his real name. If he continues to insist and will not agree to a more reasonable name then just keep calling him Bob. You should not get in trouble for using somebody's actual name even if they prefer a nickname.






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    • For those who disagree, where then would you draw a line? What if I insisted that people call me Poopy Face Banana Hammock? Would you agree that everyone is obligated to use that nickname?
      – Stack Underflow
      yesterday






    • 2




      You do not get to choose someone's preferred name, full stop.
      – Thegs
      yesterday






    • 6




      @StackUnderflow There's no need to demand an exact line. We can agree that calling you "Stack" is reasonable and calling you "Lord High Chancellor of Elbonia" is unreasonable without having to define everything exactly.
      – David Thornley
      yesterday






    • 1




      @Thegs You also do not get to force anyone to use language that makes them uncomfortable, full stop.
      – Stack Underflow
      yesterday






    • 1




      @DavidThornley So it's a grey area. That means you might agree that Shah is okay, and I might disagree.
      – Stack Underflow
      yesterday













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    3 Answers
    3






    active

    oldest

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    3 Answers
    3






    active

    oldest

    votes









    active

    oldest

    votes






    active

    oldest

    votes








    up vote
    10
    down vote













    You should just call him the name that he prefers to be called as.



    It is not for you to decided.



    My legal name (bank, tax etc) is Edward. But everybody else calls me Ed. That is my choice. Would you not like to be called some other name apart from your preferred name?






    share|improve this answer

















    • 6




      If the name is rude, offensive, or somehow unprofessional in the culture, perhaps there is a limit.
      – Bill Michell
      yesterday








    • 3




      Are not most people reasonable with a choice of nickname? And when a person enters the workplace they would probably had that nickname for many years
      – Ed Heal
      yesterday















    up vote
    10
    down vote













    You should just call him the name that he prefers to be called as.



    It is not for you to decided.



    My legal name (bank, tax etc) is Edward. But everybody else calls me Ed. That is my choice. Would you not like to be called some other name apart from your preferred name?






    share|improve this answer

















    • 6




      If the name is rude, offensive, or somehow unprofessional in the culture, perhaps there is a limit.
      – Bill Michell
      yesterday








    • 3




      Are not most people reasonable with a choice of nickname? And when a person enters the workplace they would probably had that nickname for many years
      – Ed Heal
      yesterday













    up vote
    10
    down vote










    up vote
    10
    down vote









    You should just call him the name that he prefers to be called as.



    It is not for you to decided.



    My legal name (bank, tax etc) is Edward. But everybody else calls me Ed. That is my choice. Would you not like to be called some other name apart from your preferred name?






    share|improve this answer












    You should just call him the name that he prefers to be called as.



    It is not for you to decided.



    My legal name (bank, tax etc) is Edward. But everybody else calls me Ed. That is my choice. Would you not like to be called some other name apart from your preferred name?







    share|improve this answer












    share|improve this answer



    share|improve this answer










    answered yesterday









    Ed Heal

    9,09321545




    9,09321545








    • 6




      If the name is rude, offensive, or somehow unprofessional in the culture, perhaps there is a limit.
      – Bill Michell
      yesterday








    • 3




      Are not most people reasonable with a choice of nickname? And when a person enters the workplace they would probably had that nickname for many years
      – Ed Heal
      yesterday














    • 6




      If the name is rude, offensive, or somehow unprofessional in the culture, perhaps there is a limit.
      – Bill Michell
      yesterday








    • 3




      Are not most people reasonable with a choice of nickname? And when a person enters the workplace they would probably had that nickname for many years
      – Ed Heal
      yesterday








    6




    6




    If the name is rude, offensive, or somehow unprofessional in the culture, perhaps there is a limit.
    – Bill Michell
    yesterday






    If the name is rude, offensive, or somehow unprofessional in the culture, perhaps there is a limit.
    – Bill Michell
    yesterday






    3




    3




    Are not most people reasonable with a choice of nickname? And when a person enters the workplace they would probably had that nickname for many years
    – Ed Heal
    yesterday




    Are not most people reasonable with a choice of nickname? And when a person enters the workplace they would probably had that nickname for many years
    – Ed Heal
    yesterday












    up vote
    10
    down vote













    It depends on whether it's really a nickname that he always goes by, or some sort of power trip or strange form of harassment targeted only at you. Assuming none of those unlikely factors are in play, you should call people by the name they choose to go by.



    While most workplaces are on first-name basis by now, you wouldn't persist in referring to a colleague by their old name if they adopt a new last name after marriage either. The general rule when it comes to names is that people get to decide what they would like to be called. Within reason of course, slurs or overly grandiose nicknames are often frowned upon. But good managers will quickly put a stop to those shenanigans.



    So in regards to your main question: you are indeed off-base here. If this is simply the name that he goes by, that is for all intents and purposes his "real name". In some countries he wouldn't even require an official name change. So in this case you should simply do the professional thing and use the name he'd like you to use.



    This situation is trickier if it's a nickname only used within the team. If that's the case this is more about team dynamics and fitting in than it is about respecting professional norms. But if your entire team calls him "Shah" then it would likely be best to join them in that.



    There's some useful reading on a related question "How to stop nicknames from being used?"






    share|improve this answer

























      up vote
      10
      down vote













      It depends on whether it's really a nickname that he always goes by, or some sort of power trip or strange form of harassment targeted only at you. Assuming none of those unlikely factors are in play, you should call people by the name they choose to go by.



      While most workplaces are on first-name basis by now, you wouldn't persist in referring to a colleague by their old name if they adopt a new last name after marriage either. The general rule when it comes to names is that people get to decide what they would like to be called. Within reason of course, slurs or overly grandiose nicknames are often frowned upon. But good managers will quickly put a stop to those shenanigans.



      So in regards to your main question: you are indeed off-base here. If this is simply the name that he goes by, that is for all intents and purposes his "real name". In some countries he wouldn't even require an official name change. So in this case you should simply do the professional thing and use the name he'd like you to use.



      This situation is trickier if it's a nickname only used within the team. If that's the case this is more about team dynamics and fitting in than it is about respecting professional norms. But if your entire team calls him "Shah" then it would likely be best to join them in that.



      There's some useful reading on a related question "How to stop nicknames from being used?"






      share|improve this answer























        up vote
        10
        down vote










        up vote
        10
        down vote









        It depends on whether it's really a nickname that he always goes by, or some sort of power trip or strange form of harassment targeted only at you. Assuming none of those unlikely factors are in play, you should call people by the name they choose to go by.



        While most workplaces are on first-name basis by now, you wouldn't persist in referring to a colleague by their old name if they adopt a new last name after marriage either. The general rule when it comes to names is that people get to decide what they would like to be called. Within reason of course, slurs or overly grandiose nicknames are often frowned upon. But good managers will quickly put a stop to those shenanigans.



        So in regards to your main question: you are indeed off-base here. If this is simply the name that he goes by, that is for all intents and purposes his "real name". In some countries he wouldn't even require an official name change. So in this case you should simply do the professional thing and use the name he'd like you to use.



        This situation is trickier if it's a nickname only used within the team. If that's the case this is more about team dynamics and fitting in than it is about respecting professional norms. But if your entire team calls him "Shah" then it would likely be best to join them in that.



        There's some useful reading on a related question "How to stop nicknames from being used?"






        share|improve this answer












        It depends on whether it's really a nickname that he always goes by, or some sort of power trip or strange form of harassment targeted only at you. Assuming none of those unlikely factors are in play, you should call people by the name they choose to go by.



        While most workplaces are on first-name basis by now, you wouldn't persist in referring to a colleague by their old name if they adopt a new last name after marriage either. The general rule when it comes to names is that people get to decide what they would like to be called. Within reason of course, slurs or overly grandiose nicknames are often frowned upon. But good managers will quickly put a stop to those shenanigans.



        So in regards to your main question: you are indeed off-base here. If this is simply the name that he goes by, that is for all intents and purposes his "real name". In some countries he wouldn't even require an official name change. So in this case you should simply do the professional thing and use the name he'd like you to use.



        This situation is trickier if it's a nickname only used within the team. If that's the case this is more about team dynamics and fitting in than it is about respecting professional norms. But if your entire team calls him "Shah" then it would likely be best to join them in that.



        There's some useful reading on a related question "How to stop nicknames from being used?"







        share|improve this answer












        share|improve this answer



        share|improve this answer










        answered yesterday









        Lilienthal

        54.8k36184224




        54.8k36184224






















            up vote
            -5
            down vote













            You are not obligated to use a silly pet name. You could let him know that you are uncomfortable calling him Shah and that you will either call him Bob or a more reasonable nickname like Rob or something else closer to his real name. If he continues to insist and will not agree to a more reasonable name then just keep calling him Bob. You should not get in trouble for using somebody's actual name even if they prefer a nickname.






            share|improve this answer








            New contributor




            Stack Underflow is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
            Check out our Code of Conduct.


















            • For those who disagree, where then would you draw a line? What if I insisted that people call me Poopy Face Banana Hammock? Would you agree that everyone is obligated to use that nickname?
              – Stack Underflow
              yesterday






            • 2




              You do not get to choose someone's preferred name, full stop.
              – Thegs
              yesterday






            • 6




              @StackUnderflow There's no need to demand an exact line. We can agree that calling you "Stack" is reasonable and calling you "Lord High Chancellor of Elbonia" is unreasonable without having to define everything exactly.
              – David Thornley
              yesterday






            • 1




              @Thegs You also do not get to force anyone to use language that makes them uncomfortable, full stop.
              – Stack Underflow
              yesterday






            • 1




              @DavidThornley So it's a grey area. That means you might agree that Shah is okay, and I might disagree.
              – Stack Underflow
              yesterday

















            up vote
            -5
            down vote













            You are not obligated to use a silly pet name. You could let him know that you are uncomfortable calling him Shah and that you will either call him Bob or a more reasonable nickname like Rob or something else closer to his real name. If he continues to insist and will not agree to a more reasonable name then just keep calling him Bob. You should not get in trouble for using somebody's actual name even if they prefer a nickname.






            share|improve this answer








            New contributor




            Stack Underflow is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
            Check out our Code of Conduct.


















            • For those who disagree, where then would you draw a line? What if I insisted that people call me Poopy Face Banana Hammock? Would you agree that everyone is obligated to use that nickname?
              – Stack Underflow
              yesterday






            • 2




              You do not get to choose someone's preferred name, full stop.
              – Thegs
              yesterday






            • 6




              @StackUnderflow There's no need to demand an exact line. We can agree that calling you "Stack" is reasonable and calling you "Lord High Chancellor of Elbonia" is unreasonable without having to define everything exactly.
              – David Thornley
              yesterday






            • 1




              @Thegs You also do not get to force anyone to use language that makes them uncomfortable, full stop.
              – Stack Underflow
              yesterday






            • 1




              @DavidThornley So it's a grey area. That means you might agree that Shah is okay, and I might disagree.
              – Stack Underflow
              yesterday















            up vote
            -5
            down vote










            up vote
            -5
            down vote









            You are not obligated to use a silly pet name. You could let him know that you are uncomfortable calling him Shah and that you will either call him Bob or a more reasonable nickname like Rob or something else closer to his real name. If he continues to insist and will not agree to a more reasonable name then just keep calling him Bob. You should not get in trouble for using somebody's actual name even if they prefer a nickname.






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            You are not obligated to use a silly pet name. You could let him know that you are uncomfortable calling him Shah and that you will either call him Bob or a more reasonable nickname like Rob or something else closer to his real name. If he continues to insist and will not agree to a more reasonable name then just keep calling him Bob. You should not get in trouble for using somebody's actual name even if they prefer a nickname.







            share|improve this answer








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            answered yesterday









            Stack Underflow

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            1154




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            • For those who disagree, where then would you draw a line? What if I insisted that people call me Poopy Face Banana Hammock? Would you agree that everyone is obligated to use that nickname?
              – Stack Underflow
              yesterday






            • 2




              You do not get to choose someone's preferred name, full stop.
              – Thegs
              yesterday






            • 6




              @StackUnderflow There's no need to demand an exact line. We can agree that calling you "Stack" is reasonable and calling you "Lord High Chancellor of Elbonia" is unreasonable without having to define everything exactly.
              – David Thornley
              yesterday






            • 1




              @Thegs You also do not get to force anyone to use language that makes them uncomfortable, full stop.
              – Stack Underflow
              yesterday






            • 1




              @DavidThornley So it's a grey area. That means you might agree that Shah is okay, and I might disagree.
              – Stack Underflow
              yesterday




















            • For those who disagree, where then would you draw a line? What if I insisted that people call me Poopy Face Banana Hammock? Would you agree that everyone is obligated to use that nickname?
              – Stack Underflow
              yesterday






            • 2




              You do not get to choose someone's preferred name, full stop.
              – Thegs
              yesterday






            • 6




              @StackUnderflow There's no need to demand an exact line. We can agree that calling you "Stack" is reasonable and calling you "Lord High Chancellor of Elbonia" is unreasonable without having to define everything exactly.
              – David Thornley
              yesterday






            • 1




              @Thegs You also do not get to force anyone to use language that makes them uncomfortable, full stop.
              – Stack Underflow
              yesterday






            • 1




              @DavidThornley So it's a grey area. That means you might agree that Shah is okay, and I might disagree.
              – Stack Underflow
              yesterday


















            For those who disagree, where then would you draw a line? What if I insisted that people call me Poopy Face Banana Hammock? Would you agree that everyone is obligated to use that nickname?
            – Stack Underflow
            yesterday




            For those who disagree, where then would you draw a line? What if I insisted that people call me Poopy Face Banana Hammock? Would you agree that everyone is obligated to use that nickname?
            – Stack Underflow
            yesterday




            2




            2




            You do not get to choose someone's preferred name, full stop.
            – Thegs
            yesterday




            You do not get to choose someone's preferred name, full stop.
            – Thegs
            yesterday




            6




            6




            @StackUnderflow There's no need to demand an exact line. We can agree that calling you "Stack" is reasonable and calling you "Lord High Chancellor of Elbonia" is unreasonable without having to define everything exactly.
            – David Thornley
            yesterday




            @StackUnderflow There's no need to demand an exact line. We can agree that calling you "Stack" is reasonable and calling you "Lord High Chancellor of Elbonia" is unreasonable without having to define everything exactly.
            – David Thornley
            yesterday




            1




            1




            @Thegs You also do not get to force anyone to use language that makes them uncomfortable, full stop.
            – Stack Underflow
            yesterday




            @Thegs You also do not get to force anyone to use language that makes them uncomfortable, full stop.
            – Stack Underflow
            yesterday




            1




            1




            @DavidThornley So it's a grey area. That means you might agree that Shah is okay, and I might disagree.
            – Stack Underflow
            yesterday






            @DavidThornley So it's a grey area. That means you might agree that Shah is okay, and I might disagree.
            – Stack Underflow
            yesterday












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