How can I teach my co-worker not to touch me while he talks?
My co-worker keeps on touching me while he talks or works on a project. We are both male. I believe he does not mean it sexually, but tries to do it by habit. He hits me very slowly. As slow as it can not be count as hitting in any legal sense. I still do not want him to touch me. How can I best communicate this to him?
Update:
I am located in Karachi, Pakistan.
Note:
Today, after suggesting him not to do so, he again did it. What should I do?
colleagues pakistan
asked Oct 13 '15 at 8:42
Fahad UddinFahad Uddin
246213
add a comment |
My co-worker keeps on touching me while he talks or works on a project. We are both male. I believe he does not mean it sexually, but tries to do it by habit. He hits me very slowly. As slow as it can not be count as hitting in any legal sense. I still do not want him to touch me. How can I best communicate this to him?
Update:
I am located in Karachi, Pakistan.
Note:
Today, after suggesting him not to do so, he again did it. What should I do?
colleagues pakistan
asked Oct 13 '15 at 8:42
Fahad UddinFahad Uddin
246213
29
I have never heard of a religious view which requires you to hit someone of another religion. Can you please explain that more?
– David K
Oct 13 '15 at 12:04
5
Can you actually tell us what religion(s) we're talking about here? It might help someone else who ends up in a similar situation
– Ernest Friedman-Hill
Oct 13 '15 at 14:25
@ErnestFriedman-Hill: I would have done so but I don't want to offend anyone.
– Fahad Uddin
Oct 14 '15 at 8:30
1
@FahadUddin I don't think anyone would take offence since this is him interpretting his religion is a certain way and acting on it. Saying "Buddists hit Muslims" would likely be offensive but saying "His interpretation of Buddism requires him to hit Muslims that he interacts with" would not since this is a statement about him and his individual motivations rather than all people of his faith.
– Myles
Oct 16 '15 at 22:05
add a comment |
My co-worker keeps on touching me while he talks or works on a project. We are both male. I believe he does not mean it sexually, but tries to do it by habit. He hits me very slowly. As slow as it can not be count as hitting in any legal sense. I still do not want him to touch me. How can I best communicate this to him?
Update:
I am located in Karachi, Pakistan.
Note:
Today, after suggesting him not to do so, he again did it. What should I do?
colleagues pakistan
asked Oct 13 '15 at 8:42
Fahad UddinFahad Uddin
246213
My co-worker keeps on touching me while he talks or works on a project. We are both male. I believe he does not mean it sexually, but tries to do it by habit. He hits me very slowly. As slow as it can not be count as hitting in any legal sense. I still do not want him to touch me. How can I best communicate this to him?
Update:
I am located in Karachi, Pakistan.
Note:
Today, after suggesting him not to do so, he again did it. What should I do?
colleagues pakistan
colleagues pakistan
asked Oct 13 '15 at 8:42
Fahad UddinFahad Uddin
246213
asked Oct 13 '15 at 8:42
Fahad UddinFahad Uddin
246213
edited 7 mins ago
Fahad Uddin
asked Oct 13 '15 at 8:42
Fahad UddinFahad Uddin
246213
asked Oct 13 '15 at 8:42
Fahad UddinFahad Uddin
246213
asked Oct 13 '15 at 8:42
Fahad UddinFahad Uddin
246213
246213
29
I have never heard of a religious view which requires you to hit someone of another religion. Can you please explain that more?
– David K
Oct 13 '15 at 12:04
5
Can you actually tell us what religion(s) we're talking about here? It might help someone else who ends up in a similar situation
– Ernest Friedman-Hill
Oct 13 '15 at 14:25
@ErnestFriedman-Hill: I would have done so but I don't want to offend anyone.
– Fahad Uddin
Oct 14 '15 at 8:30
1
@FahadUddin I don't think anyone would take offence since this is him interpretting his religion is a certain way and acting on it. Saying "Buddists hit Muslims" would likely be offensive but saying "His interpretation of Buddism requires him to hit Muslims that he interacts with" would not since this is a statement about him and his individual motivations rather than all people of his faith.
– Myles
Oct 16 '15 at 22:05
add a comment |
29
I have never heard of a religious view which requires you to hit someone of another religion. Can you please explain that more?
– David K
Oct 13 '15 at 12:04
5
Can you actually tell us what religion(s) we're talking about here? It might help someone else who ends up in a similar situation
– Ernest Friedman-Hill
Oct 13 '15 at 14:25
@ErnestFriedman-Hill: I would have done so but I don't want to offend anyone.
– Fahad Uddin
Oct 14 '15 at 8:30
1
@FahadUddin I don't think anyone would take offence since this is him interpretting his religion is a certain way and acting on it. Saying "Buddists hit Muslims" would likely be offensive but saying "His interpretation of Buddism requires him to hit Muslims that he interacts with" would not since this is a statement about him and his individual motivations rather than all people of his faith.
– Myles
Oct 16 '15 at 22:05
29
29
I have never heard of a religious view which requires you to hit someone of another religion. Can you please explain that more?
– David K
Oct 13 '15 at 12:04
I have never heard of a religious view which requires you to hit someone of another religion. Can you please explain that more?
– David K
Oct 13 '15 at 12:04
5
5
Can you actually tell us what religion(s) we're talking about here? It might help someone else who ends up in a similar situation
– Ernest Friedman-Hill
Oct 13 '15 at 14:25
Can you actually tell us what religion(s) we're talking about here? It might help someone else who ends up in a similar situation
– Ernest Friedman-Hill
Oct 13 '15 at 14:25
@ErnestFriedman-Hill: I would have done so but I don't want to offend anyone.
– Fahad Uddin
Oct 14 '15 at 8:30
@ErnestFriedman-Hill: I would have done so but I don't want to offend anyone.
– Fahad Uddin
Oct 14 '15 at 8:30
1
1
@FahadUddin I don't think anyone would take offence since this is him interpretting his religion is a certain way and acting on it. Saying "Buddists hit Muslims" would likely be offensive but saying "His interpretation of Buddism requires him to hit Muslims that he interacts with" would not since this is a statement about him and his individual motivations rather than all people of his faith.
– Myles
Oct 16 '15 at 22:05
@FahadUddin I don't think anyone would take offence since this is him interpretting his religion is a certain way and acting on it. Saying "Buddists hit Muslims" would likely be offensive but saying "His interpretation of Buddism requires him to hit Muslims that he interacts with" would not since this is a statement about him and his individual motivations rather than all people of his faith.
– Myles
Oct 16 '15 at 22:05
add a comment |
3 Answers
3
active
oldest
votes
His religious views force him to hit people of my religion. He hits me
very slowly. As slow as it can not be count as hitting
You know that, and he knows that. And both of you don't know that the other one knows.
In any way, it is wrong. And you can gently ask him not to do so.
As slow as it can not be count as hitting.
Even if it's a slow pat, if you are not comfortable, then he shouldn't be doing it. And how does he know that you aren't comfortable? You tell him that you are not comfortable.
answered Oct 13 '15 at 10:56
Dawny33Dawny33
12.3k34866
3
Thanks for the answer. Today he again did it. I went to his room and politely told him that I get offended when he touches me and he should not do that as I am his co-worker.
– Fahad Uddin
Oct 14 '15 at 8:29
See. Talking always helps. :) Kudos!!
– Dawny33
Oct 14 '15 at 8:31
Today he repeated it again.
– Fahad Uddin
Oct 16 '15 at 12:46
4
That's sad. As he has crossed the limit, you might want to try one of these. This or this or maybe complain to your manager or your incharge. Before taking the situation outside you both, try talking to him one last time. You might want to be a bit stricter with the warning.
– Dawny33
Oct 16 '15 at 12:50
add a comment |
This question strikes me as odd. At first he was "touching" you but now it sounds like he's pretending to "hit" you which is different "touching." It's unclear how religion plays into this at all.
In any event whatever it is next time he does it just say, "Sir, please don't touch/pretend hit me from this point forward."
answered Oct 13 '15 at 12:08
DanDan
4,772512
6
I would remove the Sir and be blunter "Please do not do that again" is enough
– Pepone
Oct 13 '15 at 22:36
4
The next time "Do not ever do that again", with a finger poking hard into his chest.
– gnasher729
Oct 14 '15 at 7:58
@gnasher729 Maybe he has to do it now. :D (Look at the recent edit of the question.)
– Dawny33
Oct 16 '15 at 12:52
add a comment |
Looking at your comments, it seems that he doesn't really care about if it makes you feel uncomfortable. If you haven't spoken with a higher-up about it (manager, HR, something) then this will continue. If you have and he continues, keep bothering them. If nothing changes, leave the company if it's really that big of a deal.
UNORTHODOX:
If you let them know every time it happens, and tell him to stop every time it happens, and neither does anything, make them feel uncomfortable. Whenever you see them, lick your lips really loudly, when they touch you, rub their arm hair or neck hair, never break eye contact, flare your nostrils and breathe only through your mouth. In my experience*, they either get the picture real quick and stop doing what they're doing, or they take it to the higher-ups. If they action on his complaints and not yours, leave.
*Results may vary
answered Oct 16 '15 at 16:40
ZymusZymus
2,0701612
I doubt passive-aggressive fake responses will help, particularly in this situation.
– phaedra
Nov 4 '15 at 14:57
add a comment |
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3 Answers
3
active
oldest
votes
3 Answers
3
active
oldest
votes
active
oldest
votes
active
oldest
votes
His religious views force him to hit people of my religion. He hits me
very slowly. As slow as it can not be count as hitting
You know that, and he knows that. And both of you don't know that the other one knows.
In any way, it is wrong. And you can gently ask him not to do so.
As slow as it can not be count as hitting.
Even if it's a slow pat, if you are not comfortable, then he shouldn't be doing it. And how does he know that you aren't comfortable? You tell him that you are not comfortable.
answered Oct 13 '15 at 10:56
Dawny33Dawny33
12.3k34866
3
Thanks for the answer. Today he again did it. I went to his room and politely told him that I get offended when he touches me and he should not do that as I am his co-worker.
– Fahad Uddin
Oct 14 '15 at 8:29
See. Talking always helps. :) Kudos!!
– Dawny33
Oct 14 '15 at 8:31
Today he repeated it again.
– Fahad Uddin
Oct 16 '15 at 12:46
4
That's sad. As he has crossed the limit, you might want to try one of these. This or this or maybe complain to your manager or your incharge. Before taking the situation outside you both, try talking to him one last time. You might want to be a bit stricter with the warning.
– Dawny33
Oct 16 '15 at 12:50
add a comment |
His religious views force him to hit people of my religion. He hits me
very slowly. As slow as it can not be count as hitting
You know that, and he knows that. And both of you don't know that the other one knows.
In any way, it is wrong. And you can gently ask him not to do so.
As slow as it can not be count as hitting.
Even if it's a slow pat, if you are not comfortable, then he shouldn't be doing it. And how does he know that you aren't comfortable? You tell him that you are not comfortable.
answered Oct 13 '15 at 10:56
Dawny33Dawny33
12.3k34866
3
Thanks for the answer. Today he again did it. I went to his room and politely told him that I get offended when he touches me and he should not do that as I am his co-worker.
– Fahad Uddin
Oct 14 '15 at 8:29
See. Talking always helps. :) Kudos!!
– Dawny33
Oct 14 '15 at 8:31
Today he repeated it again.
– Fahad Uddin
Oct 16 '15 at 12:46
4
That's sad. As he has crossed the limit, you might want to try one of these. This or this or maybe complain to your manager or your incharge. Before taking the situation outside you both, try talking to him one last time. You might want to be a bit stricter with the warning.
– Dawny33
Oct 16 '15 at 12:50
add a comment |
His religious views force him to hit people of my religion. He hits me
very slowly. As slow as it can not be count as hitting
You know that, and he knows that. And both of you don't know that the other one knows.
In any way, it is wrong. And you can gently ask him not to do so.
As slow as it can not be count as hitting.
Even if it's a slow pat, if you are not comfortable, then he shouldn't be doing it. And how does he know that you aren't comfortable? You tell him that you are not comfortable.
answered Oct 13 '15 at 10:56
Dawny33Dawny33
12.3k34866
His religious views force him to hit people of my religion. He hits me
very slowly. As slow as it can not be count as hitting
You know that, and he knows that. And both of you don't know that the other one knows.
In any way, it is wrong. And you can gently ask him not to do so.
As slow as it can not be count as hitting.
Even if it's a slow pat, if you are not comfortable, then he shouldn't be doing it. And how does he know that you aren't comfortable? You tell him that you are not comfortable.
answered Oct 13 '15 at 10:56
Dawny33Dawny33
12.3k34866
edited Oct 14 '15 at 5:52
answered Oct 13 '15 at 10:56
Dawny33Dawny33
12.3k34866
answered Oct 13 '15 at 10:56
Dawny33Dawny33
12.3k34866
answered Oct 13 '15 at 10:56
Dawny33Dawny33
12.3k34866
12.3k34866
3
Thanks for the answer. Today he again did it. I went to his room and politely told him that I get offended when he touches me and he should not do that as I am his co-worker.
– Fahad Uddin
Oct 14 '15 at 8:29
See. Talking always helps. :) Kudos!!
– Dawny33
Oct 14 '15 at 8:31
Today he repeated it again.
– Fahad Uddin
Oct 16 '15 at 12:46
4
That's sad. As he has crossed the limit, you might want to try one of these. This or this or maybe complain to your manager or your incharge. Before taking the situation outside you both, try talking to him one last time. You might want to be a bit stricter with the warning.
– Dawny33
Oct 16 '15 at 12:50
add a comment |
3
Thanks for the answer. Today he again did it. I went to his room and politely told him that I get offended when he touches me and he should not do that as I am his co-worker.
– Fahad Uddin
Oct 14 '15 at 8:29
See. Talking always helps. :) Kudos!!
– Dawny33
Oct 14 '15 at 8:31
Today he repeated it again.
– Fahad Uddin
Oct 16 '15 at 12:46
4
That's sad. As he has crossed the limit, you might want to try one of these. This or this or maybe complain to your manager or your incharge. Before taking the situation outside you both, try talking to him one last time. You might want to be a bit stricter with the warning.
– Dawny33
Oct 16 '15 at 12:50
3
3
Thanks for the answer. Today he again did it. I went to his room and politely told him that I get offended when he touches me and he should not do that as I am his co-worker.
– Fahad Uddin
Oct 14 '15 at 8:29
Thanks for the answer. Today he again did it. I went to his room and politely told him that I get offended when he touches me and he should not do that as I am his co-worker.
– Fahad Uddin
Oct 14 '15 at 8:29
See. Talking always helps. :) Kudos!!
– Dawny33
Oct 14 '15 at 8:31
See. Talking always helps. :) Kudos!!
– Dawny33
Oct 14 '15 at 8:31
Today he repeated it again.
– Fahad Uddin
Oct 16 '15 at 12:46
Today he repeated it again.
– Fahad Uddin
Oct 16 '15 at 12:46
4
4
That's sad. As he has crossed the limit, you might want to try one of these. This or this or maybe complain to your manager or your incharge. Before taking the situation outside you both, try talking to him one last time. You might want to be a bit stricter with the warning.
– Dawny33
Oct 16 '15 at 12:50
That's sad. As he has crossed the limit, you might want to try one of these. This or this or maybe complain to your manager or your incharge. Before taking the situation outside you both, try talking to him one last time. You might want to be a bit stricter with the warning.
– Dawny33
Oct 16 '15 at 12:50
add a comment |
This question strikes me as odd. At first he was "touching" you but now it sounds like he's pretending to "hit" you which is different "touching." It's unclear how religion plays into this at all.
In any event whatever it is next time he does it just say, "Sir, please don't touch/pretend hit me from this point forward."
answered Oct 13 '15 at 12:08
DanDan
4,772512
6
I would remove the Sir and be blunter "Please do not do that again" is enough
– Pepone
Oct 13 '15 at 22:36
4
The next time "Do not ever do that again", with a finger poking hard into his chest.
– gnasher729
Oct 14 '15 at 7:58
@gnasher729 Maybe he has to do it now. :D (Look at the recent edit of the question.)
– Dawny33
Oct 16 '15 at 12:52
add a comment |
This question strikes me as odd. At first he was "touching" you but now it sounds like he's pretending to "hit" you which is different "touching." It's unclear how religion plays into this at all.
In any event whatever it is next time he does it just say, "Sir, please don't touch/pretend hit me from this point forward."
answered Oct 13 '15 at 12:08
DanDan
4,772512
6
I would remove the Sir and be blunter "Please do not do that again" is enough
– Pepone
Oct 13 '15 at 22:36
4
The next time "Do not ever do that again", with a finger poking hard into his chest.
– gnasher729
Oct 14 '15 at 7:58
@gnasher729 Maybe he has to do it now. :D (Look at the recent edit of the question.)
– Dawny33
Oct 16 '15 at 12:52
add a comment |
This question strikes me as odd. At first he was "touching" you but now it sounds like he's pretending to "hit" you which is different "touching." It's unclear how religion plays into this at all.
In any event whatever it is next time he does it just say, "Sir, please don't touch/pretend hit me from this point forward."
answered Oct 13 '15 at 12:08
DanDan
4,772512
This question strikes me as odd. At first he was "touching" you but now it sounds like he's pretending to "hit" you which is different "touching." It's unclear how religion plays into this at all.
In any event whatever it is next time he does it just say, "Sir, please don't touch/pretend hit me from this point forward."
answered Oct 13 '15 at 12:08
DanDan
4,772512
answered Oct 13 '15 at 12:08
DanDan
4,772512
answered Oct 13 '15 at 12:08
DanDan
4,772512
answered Oct 13 '15 at 12:08
DanDan
4,772512
4,772512
6
I would remove the Sir and be blunter "Please do not do that again" is enough
– Pepone
Oct 13 '15 at 22:36
4
The next time "Do not ever do that again", with a finger poking hard into his chest.
– gnasher729
Oct 14 '15 at 7:58
@gnasher729 Maybe he has to do it now. :D (Look at the recent edit of the question.)
– Dawny33
Oct 16 '15 at 12:52
add a comment |
6
I would remove the Sir and be blunter "Please do not do that again" is enough
– Pepone
Oct 13 '15 at 22:36
4
The next time "Do not ever do that again", with a finger poking hard into his chest.
– gnasher729
Oct 14 '15 at 7:58
@gnasher729 Maybe he has to do it now. :D (Look at the recent edit of the question.)
– Dawny33
Oct 16 '15 at 12:52
6
6
I would remove the Sir and be blunter "Please do not do that again" is enough
– Pepone
Oct 13 '15 at 22:36
I would remove the Sir and be blunter "Please do not do that again" is enough
– Pepone
Oct 13 '15 at 22:36
4
4
The next time "Do not ever do that again", with a finger poking hard into his chest.
– gnasher729
Oct 14 '15 at 7:58
The next time "Do not ever do that again", with a finger poking hard into his chest.
– gnasher729
Oct 14 '15 at 7:58
@gnasher729 Maybe he has to do it now. :D (Look at the recent edit of the question.)
– Dawny33
Oct 16 '15 at 12:52
@gnasher729 Maybe he has to do it now. :D (Look at the recent edit of the question.)
– Dawny33
Oct 16 '15 at 12:52
add a comment |
Looking at your comments, it seems that he doesn't really care about if it makes you feel uncomfortable. If you haven't spoken with a higher-up about it (manager, HR, something) then this will continue. If you have and he continues, keep bothering them. If nothing changes, leave the company if it's really that big of a deal.
UNORTHODOX:
If you let them know every time it happens, and tell him to stop every time it happens, and neither does anything, make them feel uncomfortable. Whenever you see them, lick your lips really loudly, when they touch you, rub their arm hair or neck hair, never break eye contact, flare your nostrils and breathe only through your mouth. In my experience*, they either get the picture real quick and stop doing what they're doing, or they take it to the higher-ups. If they action on his complaints and not yours, leave.
*Results may vary
answered Oct 16 '15 at 16:40
ZymusZymus
2,0701612
I doubt passive-aggressive fake responses will help, particularly in this situation.
– phaedra
Nov 4 '15 at 14:57
add a comment |
Looking at your comments, it seems that he doesn't really care about if it makes you feel uncomfortable. If you haven't spoken with a higher-up about it (manager, HR, something) then this will continue. If you have and he continues, keep bothering them. If nothing changes, leave the company if it's really that big of a deal.
UNORTHODOX:
If you let them know every time it happens, and tell him to stop every time it happens, and neither does anything, make them feel uncomfortable. Whenever you see them, lick your lips really loudly, when they touch you, rub their arm hair or neck hair, never break eye contact, flare your nostrils and breathe only through your mouth. In my experience*, they either get the picture real quick and stop doing what they're doing, or they take it to the higher-ups. If they action on his complaints and not yours, leave.
*Results may vary
answered Oct 16 '15 at 16:40
ZymusZymus
2,0701612
I doubt passive-aggressive fake responses will help, particularly in this situation.
– phaedra
Nov 4 '15 at 14:57
add a comment |
Looking at your comments, it seems that he doesn't really care about if it makes you feel uncomfortable. If you haven't spoken with a higher-up about it (manager, HR, something) then this will continue. If you have and he continues, keep bothering them. If nothing changes, leave the company if it's really that big of a deal.
UNORTHODOX:
If you let them know every time it happens, and tell him to stop every time it happens, and neither does anything, make them feel uncomfortable. Whenever you see them, lick your lips really loudly, when they touch you, rub their arm hair or neck hair, never break eye contact, flare your nostrils and breathe only through your mouth. In my experience*, they either get the picture real quick and stop doing what they're doing, or they take it to the higher-ups. If they action on his complaints and not yours, leave.
*Results may vary
answered Oct 16 '15 at 16:40
ZymusZymus
2,0701612
Looking at your comments, it seems that he doesn't really care about if it makes you feel uncomfortable. If you haven't spoken with a higher-up about it (manager, HR, something) then this will continue. If you have and he continues, keep bothering them. If nothing changes, leave the company if it's really that big of a deal.
UNORTHODOX:
If you let them know every time it happens, and tell him to stop every time it happens, and neither does anything, make them feel uncomfortable. Whenever you see them, lick your lips really loudly, when they touch you, rub their arm hair or neck hair, never break eye contact, flare your nostrils and breathe only through your mouth. In my experience*, they either get the picture real quick and stop doing what they're doing, or they take it to the higher-ups. If they action on his complaints and not yours, leave.
*Results may vary
answered Oct 16 '15 at 16:40
ZymusZymus
2,0701612
answered Oct 16 '15 at 16:40
ZymusZymus
2,0701612
answered Oct 16 '15 at 16:40
ZymusZymus
2,0701612
answered Oct 16 '15 at 16:40
ZymusZymus
2,0701612
2,0701612
I doubt passive-aggressive fake responses will help, particularly in this situation.
– phaedra
Nov 4 '15 at 14:57
add a comment |
I doubt passive-aggressive fake responses will help, particularly in this situation.
– phaedra
Nov 4 '15 at 14:57
I doubt passive-aggressive fake responses will help, particularly in this situation.
– phaedra
Nov 4 '15 at 14:57
I doubt passive-aggressive fake responses will help, particularly in this situation.
– phaedra
Nov 4 '15 at 14:57
add a comment |
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29
I have never heard of a religious view which requires you to hit someone of another religion. Can you please explain that more?
– David K
Oct 13 '15 at 12:04
5
Can you actually tell us what religion(s) we're talking about here? It might help someone else who ends up in a similar situation
– Ernest Friedman-Hill
Oct 13 '15 at 14:25
@ErnestFriedman-Hill: I would have done so but I don't want to offend anyone.
– Fahad Uddin
Oct 14 '15 at 8:30
1
@FahadUddin I don't think anyone would take offence since this is him interpretting his religion is a certain way and acting on it. Saying "Buddists hit Muslims" would likely be offensive but saying "His interpretation of Buddism requires him to hit Muslims that he interacts with" would not since this is a statement about him and his individual motivations rather than all people of his faith.
– Myles
Oct 16 '15 at 22:05