How to leave job when my boss is my wife's boss's husband, or vice versa?












2














Background:
My wife and I are looking to relocate to another state for family reasons, and we have both been looking for employment in the area we want to move to. Currently, we both work for different companies in different fields, but our respective direct managers are married. This becomes an issue if one of us gets an offer that we decide is worth pursuing, before the other is ready to wrap it up and move as well. Ideally, we would both be able to start at the same time, but that seems highly unlikely at this point.



The question is:
How do we leave one of our jobs without forcing the other to unofficially hand in their two weeks when our bosses are so close?



As of now, it seems to me like there is no way to avoid it and if there is an offer, the best we can do is keep it hush and delay the start dates as long as possible while the other doubles down on the job hunt.










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  • 1




    "How do we leave one of our jobs without forcing the other to unofficially hand in their two weeks when our bosses are so close?" - you simply make sure you avoid telling your boss where the new job is located.
    – Joe Strazzere
    50 mins ago


















2














Background:
My wife and I are looking to relocate to another state for family reasons, and we have both been looking for employment in the area we want to move to. Currently, we both work for different companies in different fields, but our respective direct managers are married. This becomes an issue if one of us gets an offer that we decide is worth pursuing, before the other is ready to wrap it up and move as well. Ideally, we would both be able to start at the same time, but that seems highly unlikely at this point.



The question is:
How do we leave one of our jobs without forcing the other to unofficially hand in their two weeks when our bosses are so close?



As of now, it seems to me like there is no way to avoid it and if there is an offer, the best we can do is keep it hush and delay the start dates as long as possible while the other doubles down on the job hunt.










share|improve this question







New contributor




FenjaminMutton is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
















  • 1




    "How do we leave one of our jobs without forcing the other to unofficially hand in their two weeks when our bosses are so close?" - you simply make sure you avoid telling your boss where the new job is located.
    – Joe Strazzere
    50 mins ago
















2












2








2







Background:
My wife and I are looking to relocate to another state for family reasons, and we have both been looking for employment in the area we want to move to. Currently, we both work for different companies in different fields, but our respective direct managers are married. This becomes an issue if one of us gets an offer that we decide is worth pursuing, before the other is ready to wrap it up and move as well. Ideally, we would both be able to start at the same time, but that seems highly unlikely at this point.



The question is:
How do we leave one of our jobs without forcing the other to unofficially hand in their two weeks when our bosses are so close?



As of now, it seems to me like there is no way to avoid it and if there is an offer, the best we can do is keep it hush and delay the start dates as long as possible while the other doubles down on the job hunt.










share|improve this question







New contributor




FenjaminMutton is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.











Background:
My wife and I are looking to relocate to another state for family reasons, and we have both been looking for employment in the area we want to move to. Currently, we both work for different companies in different fields, but our respective direct managers are married. This becomes an issue if one of us gets an offer that we decide is worth pursuing, before the other is ready to wrap it up and move as well. Ideally, we would both be able to start at the same time, but that seems highly unlikely at this point.



The question is:
How do we leave one of our jobs without forcing the other to unofficially hand in their two weeks when our bosses are so close?



As of now, it seems to me like there is no way to avoid it and if there is an offer, the best we can do is keep it hush and delay the start dates as long as possible while the other doubles down on the job hunt.







job-search relocation






share|improve this question







New contributor




FenjaminMutton is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.











share|improve this question







New contributor




FenjaminMutton is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.









share|improve this question




share|improve this question






New contributor




FenjaminMutton is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.









asked 1 hour ago









FenjaminMutton

141




141




New contributor




FenjaminMutton is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.





New contributor





FenjaminMutton is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.






FenjaminMutton is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.








  • 1




    "How do we leave one of our jobs without forcing the other to unofficially hand in their two weeks when our bosses are so close?" - you simply make sure you avoid telling your boss where the new job is located.
    – Joe Strazzere
    50 mins ago
















  • 1




    "How do we leave one of our jobs without forcing the other to unofficially hand in their two weeks when our bosses are so close?" - you simply make sure you avoid telling your boss where the new job is located.
    – Joe Strazzere
    50 mins ago










1




1




"How do we leave one of our jobs without forcing the other to unofficially hand in their two weeks when our bosses are so close?" - you simply make sure you avoid telling your boss where the new job is located.
– Joe Strazzere
50 mins ago






"How do we leave one of our jobs without forcing the other to unofficially hand in their two weeks when our bosses are so close?" - you simply make sure you avoid telling your boss where the new job is located.
– Joe Strazzere
50 mins ago












2 Answers
2






active

oldest

votes


















1














It seems like the issue would only come up if you gave your actual reason for leaving the job (because you plan to move away). Neither of you needs to explain this when you submit your notice. If someone asks for an explanation (which is likely), you can say something else, like




"I need a break or a change of scenery/pace/type of job".




It also isn't necessarily a problem if one boss finds out early. The deal isn't "we'll fire you unless we think you'll work here for the rest of your life", it's "we'll pay you as long as you produce valuable work for us". Knowing that you'll be leaving some time in the next year doesn't mean they'll fire you immediately, it just means that they'll get, at most, another year's work out of you at the job.



From that perspective it might even be better to give each employer a timeline, so that they can allocate projects to people that will be around to work on them. This may or may not work well in one or both of your workplaces, so I'm not necessarily suggesting that you both tell your bosses right away.



The secrecy might be nice in a variety of situations, but it may not be as critical an issue as you are imagining.






share|improve this answer





















  • To add a bit of clarity, our friend group includes both bosses, so hiding the new job would include hiding the absence of myself or my wife from the entire group.
    – FenjaminMutton
    1 hour ago










  • @FenjaminMutton So, to clarify, would you and your spouse be moving to your new location separately, over some period of time?
    – Upper_Case
    1 hour ago










  • Yes. It wouldn't be a long amount of time, but I'd like to keep working and maintain an income in the time gap in case there is an issue with hiring.
    – FenjaminMutton
    1 hour ago










  • @FenjaminMutton Hmm... That doesn't change my answer. That you won't work for the company forever doesn't mean that you will be immediately fired, so I'm still not sure that the boss(es) finding out would be a catastrophe. Honesty and being upfront might be the right move here-- you can give as much notice as you'd like, after all. The social situation is distinct from the job situation, but if you're open to being... "creatively honest" about all of this in the first place it seems to me that similar approaches would work for both. If you're open to honesty, then the social part fixes itself.
    – Upper_Case
    33 mins ago












  • I appreciate the answer you provided and agree that honesty probably is the best policy here. If the lag behind one of us joining the other is truly as short as we hope, I suppose it won't be a huge of a deal as I expected.
    – FenjaminMutton
    27 mins ago



















-1














Interesting, I've never heard of this situation.




As of now, it seems to me like there is no way to avoid it and if there is an offer, the best we can do is keep it hush and delay the start dates as long as possible while the other doubles down on the job hunt.




You're probably correct.

The only useful thing I have to add to this is that the person receiving the offer should reveal this situation before asking for the extension.



Asking to push your start date without saying why, may lead them to believe that the person receiving the offer is not excited about the offer they just received (maybe s/he is waiting on another offer but will take this one if something else doesn't pan out).



It could be the case that both of you working with a placement company would make this easier - I've never moved so I don't know.



Another thing to think about is that you don't want to use either of your current boss's as your reference - because when they get a call the cat is out of the bag.






share|improve this answer

















  • 1




    The start date extension reasoning is a great point I hadn't thought about, thank you.
    – FenjaminMutton
    1 hour ago











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2 Answers
2






active

oldest

votes








2 Answers
2






active

oldest

votes









active

oldest

votes






active

oldest

votes









1














It seems like the issue would only come up if you gave your actual reason for leaving the job (because you plan to move away). Neither of you needs to explain this when you submit your notice. If someone asks for an explanation (which is likely), you can say something else, like




"I need a break or a change of scenery/pace/type of job".




It also isn't necessarily a problem if one boss finds out early. The deal isn't "we'll fire you unless we think you'll work here for the rest of your life", it's "we'll pay you as long as you produce valuable work for us". Knowing that you'll be leaving some time in the next year doesn't mean they'll fire you immediately, it just means that they'll get, at most, another year's work out of you at the job.



From that perspective it might even be better to give each employer a timeline, so that they can allocate projects to people that will be around to work on them. This may or may not work well in one or both of your workplaces, so I'm not necessarily suggesting that you both tell your bosses right away.



The secrecy might be nice in a variety of situations, but it may not be as critical an issue as you are imagining.






share|improve this answer





















  • To add a bit of clarity, our friend group includes both bosses, so hiding the new job would include hiding the absence of myself or my wife from the entire group.
    – FenjaminMutton
    1 hour ago










  • @FenjaminMutton So, to clarify, would you and your spouse be moving to your new location separately, over some period of time?
    – Upper_Case
    1 hour ago










  • Yes. It wouldn't be a long amount of time, but I'd like to keep working and maintain an income in the time gap in case there is an issue with hiring.
    – FenjaminMutton
    1 hour ago










  • @FenjaminMutton Hmm... That doesn't change my answer. That you won't work for the company forever doesn't mean that you will be immediately fired, so I'm still not sure that the boss(es) finding out would be a catastrophe. Honesty and being upfront might be the right move here-- you can give as much notice as you'd like, after all. The social situation is distinct from the job situation, but if you're open to being... "creatively honest" about all of this in the first place it seems to me that similar approaches would work for both. If you're open to honesty, then the social part fixes itself.
    – Upper_Case
    33 mins ago












  • I appreciate the answer you provided and agree that honesty probably is the best policy here. If the lag behind one of us joining the other is truly as short as we hope, I suppose it won't be a huge of a deal as I expected.
    – FenjaminMutton
    27 mins ago
















1














It seems like the issue would only come up if you gave your actual reason for leaving the job (because you plan to move away). Neither of you needs to explain this when you submit your notice. If someone asks for an explanation (which is likely), you can say something else, like




"I need a break or a change of scenery/pace/type of job".




It also isn't necessarily a problem if one boss finds out early. The deal isn't "we'll fire you unless we think you'll work here for the rest of your life", it's "we'll pay you as long as you produce valuable work for us". Knowing that you'll be leaving some time in the next year doesn't mean they'll fire you immediately, it just means that they'll get, at most, another year's work out of you at the job.



From that perspective it might even be better to give each employer a timeline, so that they can allocate projects to people that will be around to work on them. This may or may not work well in one or both of your workplaces, so I'm not necessarily suggesting that you both tell your bosses right away.



The secrecy might be nice in a variety of situations, but it may not be as critical an issue as you are imagining.






share|improve this answer





















  • To add a bit of clarity, our friend group includes both bosses, so hiding the new job would include hiding the absence of myself or my wife from the entire group.
    – FenjaminMutton
    1 hour ago










  • @FenjaminMutton So, to clarify, would you and your spouse be moving to your new location separately, over some period of time?
    – Upper_Case
    1 hour ago










  • Yes. It wouldn't be a long amount of time, but I'd like to keep working and maintain an income in the time gap in case there is an issue with hiring.
    – FenjaminMutton
    1 hour ago










  • @FenjaminMutton Hmm... That doesn't change my answer. That you won't work for the company forever doesn't mean that you will be immediately fired, so I'm still not sure that the boss(es) finding out would be a catastrophe. Honesty and being upfront might be the right move here-- you can give as much notice as you'd like, after all. The social situation is distinct from the job situation, but if you're open to being... "creatively honest" about all of this in the first place it seems to me that similar approaches would work for both. If you're open to honesty, then the social part fixes itself.
    – Upper_Case
    33 mins ago












  • I appreciate the answer you provided and agree that honesty probably is the best policy here. If the lag behind one of us joining the other is truly as short as we hope, I suppose it won't be a huge of a deal as I expected.
    – FenjaminMutton
    27 mins ago














1












1








1






It seems like the issue would only come up if you gave your actual reason for leaving the job (because you plan to move away). Neither of you needs to explain this when you submit your notice. If someone asks for an explanation (which is likely), you can say something else, like




"I need a break or a change of scenery/pace/type of job".




It also isn't necessarily a problem if one boss finds out early. The deal isn't "we'll fire you unless we think you'll work here for the rest of your life", it's "we'll pay you as long as you produce valuable work for us". Knowing that you'll be leaving some time in the next year doesn't mean they'll fire you immediately, it just means that they'll get, at most, another year's work out of you at the job.



From that perspective it might even be better to give each employer a timeline, so that they can allocate projects to people that will be around to work on them. This may or may not work well in one or both of your workplaces, so I'm not necessarily suggesting that you both tell your bosses right away.



The secrecy might be nice in a variety of situations, but it may not be as critical an issue as you are imagining.






share|improve this answer












It seems like the issue would only come up if you gave your actual reason for leaving the job (because you plan to move away). Neither of you needs to explain this when you submit your notice. If someone asks for an explanation (which is likely), you can say something else, like




"I need a break or a change of scenery/pace/type of job".




It also isn't necessarily a problem if one boss finds out early. The deal isn't "we'll fire you unless we think you'll work here for the rest of your life", it's "we'll pay you as long as you produce valuable work for us". Knowing that you'll be leaving some time in the next year doesn't mean they'll fire you immediately, it just means that they'll get, at most, another year's work out of you at the job.



From that perspective it might even be better to give each employer a timeline, so that they can allocate projects to people that will be around to work on them. This may or may not work well in one or both of your workplaces, so I'm not necessarily suggesting that you both tell your bosses right away.



The secrecy might be nice in a variety of situations, but it may not be as critical an issue as you are imagining.







share|improve this answer












share|improve this answer



share|improve this answer










answered 1 hour ago









Upper_Case

1,02318




1,02318












  • To add a bit of clarity, our friend group includes both bosses, so hiding the new job would include hiding the absence of myself or my wife from the entire group.
    – FenjaminMutton
    1 hour ago










  • @FenjaminMutton So, to clarify, would you and your spouse be moving to your new location separately, over some period of time?
    – Upper_Case
    1 hour ago










  • Yes. It wouldn't be a long amount of time, but I'd like to keep working and maintain an income in the time gap in case there is an issue with hiring.
    – FenjaminMutton
    1 hour ago










  • @FenjaminMutton Hmm... That doesn't change my answer. That you won't work for the company forever doesn't mean that you will be immediately fired, so I'm still not sure that the boss(es) finding out would be a catastrophe. Honesty and being upfront might be the right move here-- you can give as much notice as you'd like, after all. The social situation is distinct from the job situation, but if you're open to being... "creatively honest" about all of this in the first place it seems to me that similar approaches would work for both. If you're open to honesty, then the social part fixes itself.
    – Upper_Case
    33 mins ago












  • I appreciate the answer you provided and agree that honesty probably is the best policy here. If the lag behind one of us joining the other is truly as short as we hope, I suppose it won't be a huge of a deal as I expected.
    – FenjaminMutton
    27 mins ago


















  • To add a bit of clarity, our friend group includes both bosses, so hiding the new job would include hiding the absence of myself or my wife from the entire group.
    – FenjaminMutton
    1 hour ago










  • @FenjaminMutton So, to clarify, would you and your spouse be moving to your new location separately, over some period of time?
    – Upper_Case
    1 hour ago










  • Yes. It wouldn't be a long amount of time, but I'd like to keep working and maintain an income in the time gap in case there is an issue with hiring.
    – FenjaminMutton
    1 hour ago










  • @FenjaminMutton Hmm... That doesn't change my answer. That you won't work for the company forever doesn't mean that you will be immediately fired, so I'm still not sure that the boss(es) finding out would be a catastrophe. Honesty and being upfront might be the right move here-- you can give as much notice as you'd like, after all. The social situation is distinct from the job situation, but if you're open to being... "creatively honest" about all of this in the first place it seems to me that similar approaches would work for both. If you're open to honesty, then the social part fixes itself.
    – Upper_Case
    33 mins ago












  • I appreciate the answer you provided and agree that honesty probably is the best policy here. If the lag behind one of us joining the other is truly as short as we hope, I suppose it won't be a huge of a deal as I expected.
    – FenjaminMutton
    27 mins ago
















To add a bit of clarity, our friend group includes both bosses, so hiding the new job would include hiding the absence of myself or my wife from the entire group.
– FenjaminMutton
1 hour ago




To add a bit of clarity, our friend group includes both bosses, so hiding the new job would include hiding the absence of myself or my wife from the entire group.
– FenjaminMutton
1 hour ago












@FenjaminMutton So, to clarify, would you and your spouse be moving to your new location separately, over some period of time?
– Upper_Case
1 hour ago




@FenjaminMutton So, to clarify, would you and your spouse be moving to your new location separately, over some period of time?
– Upper_Case
1 hour ago












Yes. It wouldn't be a long amount of time, but I'd like to keep working and maintain an income in the time gap in case there is an issue with hiring.
– FenjaminMutton
1 hour ago




Yes. It wouldn't be a long amount of time, but I'd like to keep working and maintain an income in the time gap in case there is an issue with hiring.
– FenjaminMutton
1 hour ago












@FenjaminMutton Hmm... That doesn't change my answer. That you won't work for the company forever doesn't mean that you will be immediately fired, so I'm still not sure that the boss(es) finding out would be a catastrophe. Honesty and being upfront might be the right move here-- you can give as much notice as you'd like, after all. The social situation is distinct from the job situation, but if you're open to being... "creatively honest" about all of this in the first place it seems to me that similar approaches would work for both. If you're open to honesty, then the social part fixes itself.
– Upper_Case
33 mins ago






@FenjaminMutton Hmm... That doesn't change my answer. That you won't work for the company forever doesn't mean that you will be immediately fired, so I'm still not sure that the boss(es) finding out would be a catastrophe. Honesty and being upfront might be the right move here-- you can give as much notice as you'd like, after all. The social situation is distinct from the job situation, but if you're open to being... "creatively honest" about all of this in the first place it seems to me that similar approaches would work for both. If you're open to honesty, then the social part fixes itself.
– Upper_Case
33 mins ago














I appreciate the answer you provided and agree that honesty probably is the best policy here. If the lag behind one of us joining the other is truly as short as we hope, I suppose it won't be a huge of a deal as I expected.
– FenjaminMutton
27 mins ago




I appreciate the answer you provided and agree that honesty probably is the best policy here. If the lag behind one of us joining the other is truly as short as we hope, I suppose it won't be a huge of a deal as I expected.
– FenjaminMutton
27 mins ago













-1














Interesting, I've never heard of this situation.




As of now, it seems to me like there is no way to avoid it and if there is an offer, the best we can do is keep it hush and delay the start dates as long as possible while the other doubles down on the job hunt.




You're probably correct.

The only useful thing I have to add to this is that the person receiving the offer should reveal this situation before asking for the extension.



Asking to push your start date without saying why, may lead them to believe that the person receiving the offer is not excited about the offer they just received (maybe s/he is waiting on another offer but will take this one if something else doesn't pan out).



It could be the case that both of you working with a placement company would make this easier - I've never moved so I don't know.



Another thing to think about is that you don't want to use either of your current boss's as your reference - because when they get a call the cat is out of the bag.






share|improve this answer

















  • 1




    The start date extension reasoning is a great point I hadn't thought about, thank you.
    – FenjaminMutton
    1 hour ago
















-1














Interesting, I've never heard of this situation.




As of now, it seems to me like there is no way to avoid it and if there is an offer, the best we can do is keep it hush and delay the start dates as long as possible while the other doubles down on the job hunt.




You're probably correct.

The only useful thing I have to add to this is that the person receiving the offer should reveal this situation before asking for the extension.



Asking to push your start date without saying why, may lead them to believe that the person receiving the offer is not excited about the offer they just received (maybe s/he is waiting on another offer but will take this one if something else doesn't pan out).



It could be the case that both of you working with a placement company would make this easier - I've never moved so I don't know.



Another thing to think about is that you don't want to use either of your current boss's as your reference - because when they get a call the cat is out of the bag.






share|improve this answer

















  • 1




    The start date extension reasoning is a great point I hadn't thought about, thank you.
    – FenjaminMutton
    1 hour ago














-1












-1








-1






Interesting, I've never heard of this situation.




As of now, it seems to me like there is no way to avoid it and if there is an offer, the best we can do is keep it hush and delay the start dates as long as possible while the other doubles down on the job hunt.




You're probably correct.

The only useful thing I have to add to this is that the person receiving the offer should reveal this situation before asking for the extension.



Asking to push your start date without saying why, may lead them to believe that the person receiving the offer is not excited about the offer they just received (maybe s/he is waiting on another offer but will take this one if something else doesn't pan out).



It could be the case that both of you working with a placement company would make this easier - I've never moved so I don't know.



Another thing to think about is that you don't want to use either of your current boss's as your reference - because when they get a call the cat is out of the bag.






share|improve this answer












Interesting, I've never heard of this situation.




As of now, it seems to me like there is no way to avoid it and if there is an offer, the best we can do is keep it hush and delay the start dates as long as possible while the other doubles down on the job hunt.




You're probably correct.

The only useful thing I have to add to this is that the person receiving the offer should reveal this situation before asking for the extension.



Asking to push your start date without saying why, may lead them to believe that the person receiving the offer is not excited about the offer they just received (maybe s/he is waiting on another offer but will take this one if something else doesn't pan out).



It could be the case that both of you working with a placement company would make this easier - I've never moved so I don't know.



Another thing to think about is that you don't want to use either of your current boss's as your reference - because when they get a call the cat is out of the bag.







share|improve this answer












share|improve this answer



share|improve this answer










answered 1 hour ago









J. Chris Compton

2,153316




2,153316








  • 1




    The start date extension reasoning is a great point I hadn't thought about, thank you.
    – FenjaminMutton
    1 hour ago














  • 1




    The start date extension reasoning is a great point I hadn't thought about, thank you.
    – FenjaminMutton
    1 hour ago








1




1




The start date extension reasoning is a great point I hadn't thought about, thank you.
– FenjaminMutton
1 hour ago




The start date extension reasoning is a great point I hadn't thought about, thank you.
– FenjaminMutton
1 hour ago










FenjaminMutton is a new contributor. Be nice, and check out our Code of Conduct.










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